After years of teaching, having my own child and consistently being around children- I believe these skills will help your tween be successful young adults. Everyone wants to be the parent who is praised with how good their child is, right?
But let’s be real, our kids (just like us) have good days and bad. This is why it’s a good idea to keep our eye on the prize- we are parenting them for life. Teaching them skills that they will use for their entire life. And boy oh boy, “learned” habits can be your best friend or worst enemy.

So let’s start off with one of my favorites!
Be a problem solver not a problem creator. 
Think about a few successful people in your life, or even throughout modern history. Talk with your tween about them (cater to their interest). Whether that person recreated the wheel or simply found a better way to create a solution- it made them successful. But why?
Because people with the mind set of solving a problem don’t give up, they keep turning the 3D module to gain a different perspective. On the flip side- a problem creator is stopped in their tracks because things get hard or seem to be impossible. Encouragement and setting an example are great ways to put this into practice.

Teaching your child to identify issues and allowing their wheels to turn. Having them come up with a solution or multiple! Don’t be too quick to fly into the rescue and fix everything. Instead, walk them through the process.
A sample conversation may look like this:

“What’s the problem?”…… “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, how do you think you can solve that problem?”
** If they seem stuck, try throwing out a silly solution that you know won’t work but can lighten the mood. Then it will allow them to identify what won’t work, which is one step closer to what will work 🙂
Continue the conversation… “How is that working out for you”…. “Why do you (or why don’t you) think that’s working?”

Identifying their feelings and vocalizing them.
I feel like this is deceptively hard. When our kids were younger we taught them to use their words. Yet somewhere along the way, this becomes more of a challenge. But as with everything else, communication is best.
Now as a mom, I could give you the rundown on how my daughter is feeling most of the time because I know her so well. That however, won’t help her to be successful as a young adult.

Instead, we’re teaching her to identify how she’s feeling and talk about those feelings out loud. Then, trying to respond appropriately. Now, this is a huge undertaking and it will be a process. But remember, this is a life skill that we are trying instill.

Two important factors that I’ve recognized having a big impact on a tween, is food and sleep. This is a perfect area for tweens to acknowledge and work on self regulating.
In our house we have really focused on those two things and I’ve happy to report progress is being made. For example, my daughter showed some attitude the other night (shocker, right-lol). She then apologized, and told me she was feeling grumpy and really tired. I felt like standing up and cheering for the simple fact, she recognized and identified…. yeah, a positive step forward 🙂

The ability to talk about feelings in general will allow a healthy outlet, and hopefully diminish the chance of unhealthy choices made in the future.

Look for the silver lining and have a positive attitude. 
Easier said than done- absolutely! What better way for our tweens to learn than by watching us.
Really, the biggest benefit is choosing to be happy. That’s right- it’s a choice. When things don’t go your way and you choose to look at the bright side- you are happier.

I’m sure you know someone who always seems to find the silver lining. It’s an attractive trait for sure. In a friendship, an employee or a significant other. Yet, it doesn’t always come easy- which is why it’s something our kids can benefit from being taught. Even in the hardest circumstances, there are blessings all around us. It’s all in our perception and the power to choose!

The night before middle school, every creature was stirring, even the dog!

It’s here, a day I really don’t understand how it arrived. I was just taking my daughter to Kindergarten, really I was. Yea, people say… they grow up so fast, time flies and a dozen other expressions- but they are just words. That is until YOU experience it first hand.

So what do you do the night before, and how can you help prepare your child for this big transition? Here’s a few tips on things we did.

Of course we picked out clothes, made her lunch and even prepared breakfast (yes the night before). These go beyond those basics.

The Night Before Middle School

First, journal.  I asked my daughter to reflect on her summer. I had her journal about the past couple months, the various camps, family time and anything else that made an impression. Then I asked her to write down her thoughts about starting Jr. High. I don’t like to lead with a common phrase, “good and bad” because I instead prefer an open ended statement.
The truth is, they probably won’t be able to recite these exact feelings about summer and summer details better, than right now. It will be such a great snapshot for them in the future to look back on.

Second, remind them how powerful words are. I’m sure you’ve talked about it before but they’re still kids and need lots of reminders 🙂 The best quote I’ve heard, with the impact I’m looking for:

Once you’re words are said, they can only be forgiven not forgotten.

Being responsible for your words, and reactions are a big part of growing up!

Third, be friendly. What do you want to do when someone smiles at you- smile back, right? A smile is inviting and welcoming! Don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to someone new. Spend more time asking about them, than talking about yourself. Lastly, most important, treat others as you want to be treated.

Fourth, review expectations. How do you expect them to act at school, during lunch, after school. If they have a phone, what are the guidelines for school hours?

That basically sums it up. Happy first day of school!
*If your tween has already started school, no worries. It’s not too late, no better time than the present.

The Mother Daughter Book Club is a brand new hobby my daughter and I are engaging in. I saw the title of the book “The Mother Daughter Book Club” by Heather Vogel Frederick and I was instantly intrigued!

As you read the summary you quickly find out that it was one of the mothers that has the idea, and the (entering) middle school girls are roped into it. Among other things, there are some issues between the girls, it is middle school after all.

I usually research things, but this one I opted for in the spur of the moment. Since I was going into these books blindly, I decided we would read these together (aloud). This would actually be our “own” mother/daughter book club.

Here’s a little secret… I don’t really like reading. Reading never really grabbed me and sucked me in. There always seemed to be other things in my mind that had me distracted. But I wanted to do this for my daughter. Spend time with her elbow deep in something she loves!

This would be great practice for my speed reader daughter to read aloud. She LOVES to read to herself, just loves it. Sometimes we’re in the car and she’s reading of course… she just busts out laughing! I wanna know what’s so funny, but most of the time she responds “Mom, you wouldn’t get it”. Which makes sense, well written books create an environment, well described characters and without knowing the back story- I probably wouldn’t get it.

This time, I was gonna get it, I was gonna be in the loop! So we picked up the book and got started. Soon after I realized a few things and felt a smile come over my face. Mental note- good choice to read this together, I thought to myself.

Now as our tweens are growing “up” as they say, they need us less and less. This book however was giving me an opportunity to respond to her questions- what does this mean? and I loved that. I still have knowledge to share but sometimes it’s simply about the situation presenting itself.
Another thing I really liked, it provided a fluid conversation of recalling memories and sharing my own personal stories. As we all know kids can be great listeners, if they want too! Other times, we’ve (parents) been zoned out early on. So timing is everything, and I enjoyed the opportunity to discuss things together as they came up.

A couple days ago we pasted the part where a couple of the girls baked chocolate chips cookies, their way. So I got up, and suggested, “Let’s make our own chocolate chip cookies, just like the girls did”. It was a neat opportunity to connect to the characters and bake with my daughter, win win!

I’ll update this as we read more…stay tuned.